Radical self acceptance.

Addiction is a very touchy subject for a lot of people, myself included. The topic of this blog was sparked by two events that have taken place at work over the past week (both having to do with addiction) and an awesome conversation with my therapist on perfectionism and idealistic thinking.

What makes up a flower? Ask yourself.

You have a seed and then you need fresh air, water, soil, sunshine, manure, worms, bugs....etc in order for the flower to grow. A flower is composed of all of these non-flower elements. Remove one and it would no longer be that flower. All the aspects by which a flower comes to be a flower have to be taken into consideration before we can admire the beauty that is said flower. A flower may look perfect and beautiful but it became that way through imperfection. So it really isn't perfect at all. Beautiful, yes. Perfect, no. Ponder that.

This week at work, my girlfriend and I decided we were giving up sugar. I truly believe that consuming lots of sugar in your diet is not good for you, but I also now know that I am not the kind of person that can cut it out completely (stay tuned for details below). It's such a beautiful thing when you open up and share with someone and realize you are not alone. I would have never guessed that my friend struggled with a "sugar addiction" much like I did, and when this happens and you realize you are not alone (which is actually quite often) I am always amazed. I wonder why I ever keep things to myself?? (then my mind quickly tells me that I have to tastefully share my thoughts and feelings because if I were to share everything, I would surely be thought of as insane) But would I really? Or would I help someone in the process of exposing my deepest, darkest secrets and fears? And why do I even care if other people would think of me as insane?

This reminds me of one of my favourite quotes from Alice in Wonderland between Alice and The Mad Hatter.

The Mad Hatter:
Have I gone mad?

Alice:
I'm afraid so, you're entierly bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

Amen, Alice. Amen.

You may or may not know that I have had my struggles with substance abuse. It's true, I have. Which brings me to the second event of the week that sparked this blog; discussing addiction with co-workers in the lunch room. Scary. When I share the information with people at work that I identify myself as an addict (which is not very often at all) they are shocked and try to explain/justify my problems and addiction to me. Which is interesting. Just because I don't "look" like a "typical" addict (what does that even mean?) and I didn't lose anything external during my partying days, I didn't actually have a problem. Really?? I do identify myself as an addict and I am okay with that today. I held a lot of shame around it for a very long time. By the Grace of God, I have been a RECOVERING addict for a few years now and because of this lifestyle change I am constantly learning new things about myself, about other people and about addiction in general. Addiction to me, is a disease of the mind. It can manifest itself in many ways, but essentially it is anything that robs me of balance and takes me away from the natural flow of life. It is also something that will never go away. In my opinion, you are never fully recovered, you are, however, ALWAYS RECOVERING. I am always recovering.

The biggest challenge that I have always faced in my life is around acceptance. Which ties all of this together, addiction, restriction, the constant struggle to be perfect, it all stems from the fact that I have NEVER fully accepted myself. And I still don't. There. I said it. My low self-esteem and lack of self love kept me hating myself and in the grips of addiction for many years, it was a miserable existence to say the least. Now, having stepped away from substance abuse and leading a clean and sober life, my lack of self acceptance has created different addictions, sugar/food addiction, exercise addiction, shopping addiction, the list could go on...

Writing this blog is a step in the direction of the radical self acceptance that I have longed for my entire life. I hold the key to my own happiness, just like all of you reading this hold the key to yours. I don't want to be ashamed of my past anymore, I don't want to be ashamed at all. Ever. As long as I am not harming anyone, including myself, in the process of living my life, what is there really to be ashamed of? Just because I ate 4 pieces of ice cream cake last night, does that make me a bad person? No. Did I binge because I have been restricting sugar? Yes. Did I learn from the experience? Yes. I believe that honest sharing can start to shed some light on the situations we make bad and make them okay! The things we keep a secret and hide from the world only get worse when stuck inside, which perpetuates the cycle of guilt and shame, which will ultimately lead to lack of self acceptance and self love. Admitting my imperfection is the first step to accepting my imperfection and as soon as I accept that I am in fact, not perfect and no one is, radical self acceptance will start to manifest in my life.

What secret can you admint today? Let me or someone else know, you will probably really help someone out by getting honest (and you will definitely help yourself!)

My life is a journey towards love :) and I thank you very, very much for reading this and helping me out!

Love, Kylie

PS: Sometimes I smoke cigarettes. OMG as if I just admitted that. And I am also going to resist the urge to justify it. OMG. Are you judging me? Maybe you are. But that's okay. Because I am no longer judging myself.

Affirmation for today: I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Stop making yourself wrong.

If you're anything like me, you're on journey, a journey towards true love. Unconditional, head over heels, screaming from the rooftops, CRAZY LOVE ... do you know what I mean?

For me, this true love journey is all about SELF-LOVE. I'm falling more and more in love with myself every damn day and I could not be happier about it.

Self-love has been a struggle for me my ENTIRE LIFE. I've overcome some major adversity and I am so proud of myself for that but I can definitely still berate myself with negative self-talk, and never feeling good enough has kept me in a very unhealthy place, striving for 'perfection'. I've always been ready to torture my body, mind and soul. Yuck! Whether it be with the hottest 'diet', over-exercising, reading self-help books until I feel completely useless, judging my spiritual relationship with the God of my understanding, or comparing myself to others. It's all an exhausting nightmare.

If what I really want most in my life is to be authentically in love with myself then it's simple: I need to start loving ALL of me. That means I don't only deserve love SOMETIMES, I deserve love ALL of the time. I don't ONLY deserve love when I drink green juice, run and practice yoga. I deserve love when I sit on the couch and watch back to back episodes of Dexter, while eating chips. I don't ONLY deserve love when I've sat in meditation for an hour, journaled and connected to the God of my understanding, I deserve love when I wake up in weird mood and don't feel like doing ANY of those things. I deserve love all of the time and so do you.

The trick to this loving yourself all the time thing, I think, is to stop making ourselves wrong. Get rid of those rules in your head. There isn't a set list of things to do in order to be happy. Happiness is unconditional acceptance of all that we are, of the good and the bad, the fear, the uncertainty, the coping mechanisms, etc... ACCEPT and LOVE EVERYTHING about yourself and you will be happy because you'll never be beating yourself up about something that you've deemed "wrong".

Embrace your humanness. Embrace your imperfection and just be. Listen to your heart, talk to your heart, talk to your body and do what you're guided to do. Trust that it will ALWAYS be the right thing for you, at that time. Whether it makes you feel amazing or teaches you a lesson, it will always be right.

It's been my experience thus far that when I tell myself I am allowed to eat or do whatever I want, making nothing "wrong", I choose the food and activities that are in alignment with my highest self. It's really magical and so, so simple.

Here's to unconditional love and acceptance :)

Love, Kylie

xoxoxo

Oil pulling, my morning happiness!

My very first blog post is dedicated to something that has become a FAVOURITE part of my morning happiness routine. It's called oil pulling. An ancient Ayurvedic technique that has been around for centuries. I first heard about this magical practice from my girl, Katie over at the Wellness Wonderland and I knew I had to try it. 

Basically, what it is, is swishing oil around in your mouth for 5-20 minutes. Sounds weird, right? It was definitely an interesting experience putting a tablespoon of oil in my mouth for the first time but you quickly get used to it - trust me!! 

So take a tablespoon of the organic, cold pressed oil of your choice, I like coconut oil because it tastes yummy. Then swish it around in your mouth first thing in the morning! This practice detoxifies your mouth!! It pulls all the bacteria, toxins and parasites out, leaving you with fresher breath, whiter teeth, stronger gums and even clearer skin (plus much, much more) Who doesn't want all those things? Amazing! Get oil pulling today! I'm doing it right now... are you? 

Note: when you're done with your chosen oil pulling time (work up to 20 minutes if this practice seems too crazy to handle. Just start slowly with 5, then go to 10, and so on, to get used to it. I jumped right in with 20, but that's me - LOL) 

Anyway, make sure to rinse your mouth out with warm salt water, we don't want any pesky bacteria left lingering, then brush your teeth (preferably with a toothbrush designated for your oil pulling routine) 

For more information on oil pulling, go here: why you should start oil pulling TODAY!

Happy detoxing!!!

LOVE, Kylie

XOXO