There are really no words to describe the pain of losing someone you love.
There is nothing anyone can do or say to make you feel better, because nothing will bring them back.
All you can do is keep breathing and do your best to cultivate some sort of trust in the process.
I am writing this in the hope that I will draw some courage from the voice of my inner guide, and perhaps instil some hope in those that I love as well.
Today I read something very interesting. I can't quote it as I don't have the book in front of me, however I want to try and articulate what I took from the passage and how I intend to apply this in my life moving forward.
The book is entitled "Angel Card Therapy" or something along those lines by Doreen Virtue. I've never read this book, in fact, I don't even know how it made it's way into my apartment but as I was packing today and going through my books, there it was. I do believe this was a Divine intervention as I was REALLY struggling at that moment trying to understand HOW I was going to get through this pain.
The chapter that I flipped to was on deceased loved ones and how to cope with death. I read that our deceased loved ones are up in heaven and they have the potential to be our spirit guides (yay!) it said that they are of perfect physical and emotional well being when they cross over, HOWEVER, the only thing that can hold them back from reaching their highest potential is - us.
What?!!
Doreen Virtue states that our unrelenting grief and mourning over the loss of our loved one can actually block their spiritual growth and that the greatest gift we can give to someone who has passed away is to do whatever it takes to heal OUR hearts.
I will be honest, I am in a place right now where healing seems so far away. I feel like I will feel this intense sadness forever, but I do experience a bit of relief when I think about giving Rob the gift of healing my heart so he can grow to his highest potential in heaven.
It is my firm belief that we must honour our feelings and not run from them or mask them. Losing someone we love requires time, it also requires patience, compassion, care and support from those around us and for ourselves. It is normal to grieve for weeks and months, the process will look different for everyone and that's okay, however we do have to live for the living and try and find joy in our day, even if it's fleeting. The hole in my heart is real and it's raw but I can CHOOSE to use my grief for the greater good … and that is what I believe Rob would want me to do.
I can use this loss to better my life.
I can learn from Rob's experience.
I can use this pain to become kinder to those around me.
I can fill this hole in my heart by extending more love to the people in my life and thus receiving that love in return.
I will not let Rob's death be in vain.
I refuse to let his death be in vain.
Although nothing can bring him back and my life will never be the same, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have the opportunity to learn and grow from this terrible tragedy.
I can honour Rob every single day with the choices I make.
I can continue to love him by opening my heart when I am so tempted to close it.
On a very personal note, it's ironic that during our relationship here on earth I was often under the impression that I was saving him, when he was actually the one saving me all along.
