I am currently reading 'Eat, Pray, Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert, which I find quite amusing because this book has been recommended to me numerous times over the years by various different people, my running group even lovingly nicknamed me 'eat, pray, love' back in 2013 after I told them all that I don't run with music because I spend the whole time praying and talking to God. My reading this book at this point in my life absolutely affirms my belief that all things happen in God's perfect time. Gilbert's journey of self-discovery completely parallels my life right now (minus some of the details)
I will never forget being introduced to Elizabeth Gilbert's story, it was July of 2010 and I was just getting sober. Life was bleak at best, and I was in need of inspiration. I decided to go to the movies by myself one afternoon to see 'Eat, Pray, Love' on the big screen. A specific line has been embedded in my memory since that day, Julia Roberts, who plays Gilbert in the film is visiting or has visited some of the ruins in ancient Rome, and she makes the observation that "ruin is a gift, in fact ruin is the road to transformation" … WHAT?!! This was exactly what I needed to hear and it was actually the only thing that I heard the whole movie. My life was in shambles at this point in time, my attention span was zero, I had no idea what was up or down and I definitely did not see this pain that I was going through as a gift. As it turns out though, what once seemed like the end of my world, has transformed my life in ways that I never even imagined possible.
Fast forward to exactly 5 years later, it's July 2015 and my life is in a state of disarray AGAIN. I had just decided to leave my secure, well paying job with the federal government, where I had been lucky enough to receive both benefits and a pension for the last 8 years. People often refer to government jobs as "the golden handcuffs" because on paper, you have it made, however in reality, I was miserable. To leave a government job is definitely not viewed as the smartest thing to do by societies standards, so needless to say, this was just a wee bit stressful. I also decided to pack up my apartment and leave suburbia for the first time in my entire life and move to Toronto. Then, to add some extra insanity to all of the terrifying change that was already taking place, one of my closest friends passed away in the midst of it all.
Cue the breakdown.
There is one major difference between the breakdown of 2010 and the breakdown of 2015 and that difference has allowed me and continues to allow me to move through any pain and discomfort with Grace and dignity.
That difference is faith.
In 2010, I had no faith and my suffering was immense as a result. Today, I turn my will and my life over to the care of my Loving God. I don't know who God is, or where He is, or if He is even a He, but it doesn't matter to me … My faith is what keeps me grounded and I can say with confidence that the current state of my life, which could be viewed by many (and sometimes myself) as "ruins" is definitely the road to great transformation.
Elizabeth Gilbert goes on to quote Virginia Woolf in 'Eat, Pray, Love' and what Woolf writes deeply resonates with me...
She wrote "Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls the shadow of a sword" she goes on to explain that on one side of the sword, there lies convention and tradition and order, where "all is correct" but on the other side of the sword, if you're crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, "all is confusion. Nothing follows regular course" Woolf's argument was that the crossing of the shadow of the sword may bring a far more interesting existence to a woman (or man) Woolf wrote this about a woman, however the same came be applied to any man.
Of course by choosing to "cross the shadow of the sword" there will be confusion and lots of risk but that's what makes my heart beat fast. It's wildly exciting not to know exactly what's going to happen next.
Confusion, risk and excitement.
All three exist when we choose to step out of our comfort zone and take the road less travelled and that is the whole point of my writing today, to assure you (and me) that despite being in the midst of some confusion, as long as we keep the faith and remain open, the transformation will take place.
The transformation IS taking place.
Life happens on the other side of your comfort zone.
Faith is trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse.
Here's to having faith in the unknown.
Love & light,
Kylie
Friday, 20 November 2015
Wednesday, 4 November 2015
The struggle is real.
The title of this post says it all: the struggle is real, my friends.
It has been 3 months since my dearest, darlingest Rob passed away … 3 months today. I was saying to Martina earlier this morning on our run that I just CANNOT believe that it has only been 3 months. I cannot. It feels like an eternity to me.
Minutes feel like hours and hours feel like days … it's so cliche, however in the moments when the grief overwhelms me and I feel like my loneliness and pain might kill me … time slows down.
This is neither a good or a bad thing and the amount of time since he's been gone is really irrelevant … the fact of the matter will always remain the same, he is gone and I miss him.
A comment from a friend on my Facebook today suggested that I write about Rob for anyone else who may be going through the same thing and although I have been writing, I thought it actually would be a good idea today, given the fact that it's been a quarter of a year … and my mood has been especially lonely.
I am so grateful that intellectually I KNOW that my feeling are not going to kill me. First things first, you are not your emotions. Our emotions come up to teach us a lesson that needs to be learned, not to rule us.
Once I can separate myself from (in todays case) the loneliness, I invite it in. I ask God what I am meant to learn from this and to help me through the feelings I am having. (If the word God trips you out, ask whatever you believe in, your highest self, the angels, your soul … whatever, it doesn't matter, I ask God) Inviting God into my life through prayer and meditation on a daily basis is as important as breathing. ESPECIALLY during times of emotional turmoil.
Try this simple prayer/request for guidance from A Course In Miracles:
"What would You have me do?
Where would You have me go?
What would You have me say, and to whom?"
After I invite God in and pray my ass off … I usually start to feel better. I then find a healing activity to take part in. Usually for me that's some form of movement, it could be a run, a walk or yoga … it could also be a trip to my local coffee shop to read the paper - reading the paper is a brand new hobby of mine that's proving to be quite invigorating :) it could also be getting my butt to the beach so I can be near the water, I find water to be particularly healing … I could go on … but I won't. I know what activities soothe me, and you know what activities soothe you, pick one and go forth.
If you don't have the luxury of being unemployed like I do and the overwhelm hits you mid-work day, you will be amazed at the power of going to the washroom, locking yourself in a stall and taking 5 long, deep breaths. In my experience this has been like a re-set button to get through the rest of the day.
The fact of the matter is, nothing is going to bring Rob back to me … AND I am still here, sooo I need to be willing to do whatever I can to live peacefully. Some days, I curse this fact. Other days, I am grateful. Whether I'm experiencing a bout of suicidal rage, or a day full of blissful joy … it is absolutely crucial that I do not identify with either. The ups and downs are going to come and go. Equally as important as knowing you are not your sadness, is knowing you are not your joy.
I have experienced a full week of being relatively pain free, to the point that I thought I was "over it" … I got myself so high from believing that I had made it through the grief that when the grief hit me again, it was like being thrown off a cliff and then run over by a bus. It was 10x harder to recover from that because I allowed myself to believe it was over.
It will never be over and that has to be okay, otherwise I'm in for a whole lot of suffering.
This poem by Rumi sums up what I am trying to say, in a much more eloquent fashion…
The Guest House
-Rumi
PS: Help others. It helps.
It has been 3 months since my dearest, darlingest Rob passed away … 3 months today. I was saying to Martina earlier this morning on our run that I just CANNOT believe that it has only been 3 months. I cannot. It feels like an eternity to me.
Minutes feel like hours and hours feel like days … it's so cliche, however in the moments when the grief overwhelms me and I feel like my loneliness and pain might kill me … time slows down.
This is neither a good or a bad thing and the amount of time since he's been gone is really irrelevant … the fact of the matter will always remain the same, he is gone and I miss him.
A comment from a friend on my Facebook today suggested that I write about Rob for anyone else who may be going through the same thing and although I have been writing, I thought it actually would be a good idea today, given the fact that it's been a quarter of a year … and my mood has been especially lonely.
I am so grateful that intellectually I KNOW that my feeling are not going to kill me. First things first, you are not your emotions. Our emotions come up to teach us a lesson that needs to be learned, not to rule us.
Once I can separate myself from (in todays case) the loneliness, I invite it in. I ask God what I am meant to learn from this and to help me through the feelings I am having. (If the word God trips you out, ask whatever you believe in, your highest self, the angels, your soul … whatever, it doesn't matter, I ask God) Inviting God into my life through prayer and meditation on a daily basis is as important as breathing. ESPECIALLY during times of emotional turmoil.
Try this simple prayer/request for guidance from A Course In Miracles:
"What would You have me do?
Where would You have me go?
What would You have me say, and to whom?"
After I invite God in and pray my ass off … I usually start to feel better. I then find a healing activity to take part in. Usually for me that's some form of movement, it could be a run, a walk or yoga … it could also be a trip to my local coffee shop to read the paper - reading the paper is a brand new hobby of mine that's proving to be quite invigorating :) it could also be getting my butt to the beach so I can be near the water, I find water to be particularly healing … I could go on … but I won't. I know what activities soothe me, and you know what activities soothe you, pick one and go forth.
If you don't have the luxury of being unemployed like I do and the overwhelm hits you mid-work day, you will be amazed at the power of going to the washroom, locking yourself in a stall and taking 5 long, deep breaths. In my experience this has been like a re-set button to get through the rest of the day.
The fact of the matter is, nothing is going to bring Rob back to me … AND I am still here, sooo I need to be willing to do whatever I can to live peacefully. Some days, I curse this fact. Other days, I am grateful. Whether I'm experiencing a bout of suicidal rage, or a day full of blissful joy … it is absolutely crucial that I do not identify with either. The ups and downs are going to come and go. Equally as important as knowing you are not your sadness, is knowing you are not your joy.
I have experienced a full week of being relatively pain free, to the point that I thought I was "over it" … I got myself so high from believing that I had made it through the grief that when the grief hit me again, it was like being thrown off a cliff and then run over by a bus. It was 10x harder to recover from that because I allowed myself to believe it was over.
It will never be over and that has to be okay, otherwise I'm in for a whole lot of suffering.
This poem by Rumi sums up what I am trying to say, in a much more eloquent fashion…
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
-Rumi
Love & Light,
Kylie
PS: Help others. It helps.
Wednesday, 14 October 2015
Coffee and gratitude.
I believe that happiness is a choice. However, it is much more complicated than just intellectually choosing to be happy every day, ESPECIALLY during times when you have every reason to be fucking miserable.
That being said, what it boils down to is action.
We have to act our way into right thinking.
What does that mean, you ask? Let me share my experience :)
If I want to BE happy, I must BE grateful.
TO BE a certain way, I have to DO certain things.
Gratitude is defined as:
"the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness."
THE READINESS TO SHOW APPRECIATION FOR AND TO RETURN KINDNESS.
YES! That's gold (side note: so happy I looked up the definition of gratitude)
I am a big fan of gratitude lists … however, a gratitude list without action is not going to help you.
Here is my gratitude list for today, coupled with the actions that I have taken to embody the feelings of happiness and genuine gratitude.
I am grateful for my family and friends, so today I made the effort to connect with them. I did not isolate.
I am grateful for my healthy body, so today I am taking care of my body by nourishing myself with healthy food that heals me. I am drinking lots of water to remain hydrated and I MOVED my body by running and practising yoga.
I am grateful for my peace of mind, so I prayed and meditated today. I have also been sharing openly and honestly over the last couple of days with the people in my life that I trust. Darkness melts away when it is exposed to the light.
I am grateful that I can share my experience, strength and hope to (hopefully) inspire others. I am showing my gratitude for my ability to share by writing this blog post.
Today I AM grateful. And it is a direct result of DOING everything in my power to show gratitude for the blessings in my life.
Of course there is pain but that pain does not have to hijack my life. Sometimes it does, and that is okay, we are only human. However, with the proper tools in place, we can remain peaceful through dark times.
What are you grateful for today? and more importantly, how can you SHOW your gratitude?
Do it up!
Thank you for reading this, you are part of my healing.
Love, Kylie
Friday, 9 October 2015
Move Beyond You
I read an article on Huffington Post a couple of days ago about a guy named Ben. Ben has lost over 100 pounds by walking around the city (amazing!!) He has now started a movement, that he has tagged #MoveBeyondYou - where he calls all athletes: runners, walkers and bikers to use our physical movement, not only to better ourselves, our bodies and our health but for social change as well. His story inspired me as I wholeheartedly believe in the magic of kindness. I immediately knew this was something I had to take part in.
For Ben's full story, click here: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2015/10/06/weight-lost_n_8252336.html
As a result of the above noted, I spent the day walking around our great city handing out sandwiches to anyone who wanted/needed one.
I write this post not for praise or acknowledgment, but to share my experience and hopefully inspire others.
Here are some of the stories of the beautiful people that I was fortunate enough to speak with on my 15km jaunt around the city today.
Sue. Sue was sitting in front of Yonge and Dundas Square with a sign that read "Raised 3 kids on my own, depression and anxiety issues prevent me from working, welfare pays the rent, clean and sober, anything helps" … I actually saw Sue last weekend when I was working at Yonge and Dundas Square but didn't have a chance to talk to her, so I was overjoyed to see her again. Her sign really intrigued me and I wanted to know her story. I found out that Sue has 2 sons and 1 daughter, who are all grown up and live in Toronto. She raised them on her own after leaving her abusive husband and is quite proud of herself (as she should be!) She has been sober for 15 years, another accomplishment that had her beaming with pride. She was very happy to chat with me and told me that some days are better than others on the streets, however, she is just grateful that she finally found an apartment. It took her 3 years to find someone who would actually rent to her. She spent a lot of her life in shelters around the city with her children. I asked Sue what she does when she is really struggling and times get tough, she told me that she reads and also carries her sudoku puzzles with her everywhere she goes, it's her form of meditation. She also takes note of the beauty that is around her at all times. I am so grateful for the beauty that Sue brought into my life today.
William. He was sitting in front of the Eatons Centre, wearing a Toronto Blue Jays jersey and a Toronto Blue Jays hat! He shared with me that he is living at the Salvation Army shelter and is unable to work due to his toes being amputated as a result of diabetes. He was wearing a cast on his foot and told me he couldn't walk around very much. His parents live in Texas and he went to visit them 2 years ago, he misses them a lot. He is from a family of 10 kids and when I asked him if he talks to his brothers and sisters he told me that sometimes he does. He was so happy to chat with me and I with him.
Harry, Bear and Darryl. I was hesitant to go up to these guys at first because they looked kind of rough but when I finally did, I saw how harmless they actually were. They reminded me of the 3 stooges. They were play fighting and joking around with each other sitting in the walkway beside the restaurant JOEY downtown. It seemed like a weird spot for them to be sitting but I found out that they were sitting there so they could watch the Jays game on TV. Sure enough, I looked inside the restaurant and they had a perfect view of the TV. They were drinking beers and happily accepted sandwiches for their lunch, they were all very grateful. They asked me a lot of questions, why I was doing this was the first… I told them that I always received a lot of help when I needed it, and then I shared with them a bit about my struggles with addiction. They were in shock. This opened up a huge conversation about addiction and I ended up spending about 30 minutes with these guys. All 3 of them are amazing men.
Peter. A man who very clearly struggles with mental illness and alcoholism combined. He lives at the Seaton House and has for the past 13 years!! He told me that he worked for Toronto Hydro in the 1970's, he then got injured and has never worked a day since. He shared with me that his fiancé died 2 weeks before their wedding 16 years ago. I asked him if he still missed her and he said he does, I asked him if he ever talked to her up in heaven and he said he prays to her all the time. He told me he was truly happy then, so I asked him if he was happy now … he looked at me straight in the eyes with his big blue eyes and said: I love.
His message was very clear to me, love is the answer.
I am forever grateful.
If you want to experience unadulterated joy, do for others without expecting anything in return.
Until next time …
#MoveBeyondYou
For Ben's full story, click here: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2015/10/06/weight-lost_n_8252336.html
As a result of the above noted, I spent the day walking around our great city handing out sandwiches to anyone who wanted/needed one.
I write this post not for praise or acknowledgment, but to share my experience and hopefully inspire others.
Here are some of the stories of the beautiful people that I was fortunate enough to speak with on my 15km jaunt around the city today.
Sue. Sue was sitting in front of Yonge and Dundas Square with a sign that read "Raised 3 kids on my own, depression and anxiety issues prevent me from working, welfare pays the rent, clean and sober, anything helps" … I actually saw Sue last weekend when I was working at Yonge and Dundas Square but didn't have a chance to talk to her, so I was overjoyed to see her again. Her sign really intrigued me and I wanted to know her story. I found out that Sue has 2 sons and 1 daughter, who are all grown up and live in Toronto. She raised them on her own after leaving her abusive husband and is quite proud of herself (as she should be!) She has been sober for 15 years, another accomplishment that had her beaming with pride. She was very happy to chat with me and told me that some days are better than others on the streets, however, she is just grateful that she finally found an apartment. It took her 3 years to find someone who would actually rent to her. She spent a lot of her life in shelters around the city with her children. I asked Sue what she does when she is really struggling and times get tough, she told me that she reads and also carries her sudoku puzzles with her everywhere she goes, it's her form of meditation. She also takes note of the beauty that is around her at all times. I am so grateful for the beauty that Sue brought into my life today.
William. He was sitting in front of the Eatons Centre, wearing a Toronto Blue Jays jersey and a Toronto Blue Jays hat! He shared with me that he is living at the Salvation Army shelter and is unable to work due to his toes being amputated as a result of diabetes. He was wearing a cast on his foot and told me he couldn't walk around very much. His parents live in Texas and he went to visit them 2 years ago, he misses them a lot. He is from a family of 10 kids and when I asked him if he talks to his brothers and sisters he told me that sometimes he does. He was so happy to chat with me and I with him.
Harry, Bear and Darryl. I was hesitant to go up to these guys at first because they looked kind of rough but when I finally did, I saw how harmless they actually were. They reminded me of the 3 stooges. They were play fighting and joking around with each other sitting in the walkway beside the restaurant JOEY downtown. It seemed like a weird spot for them to be sitting but I found out that they were sitting there so they could watch the Jays game on TV. Sure enough, I looked inside the restaurant and they had a perfect view of the TV. They were drinking beers and happily accepted sandwiches for their lunch, they were all very grateful. They asked me a lot of questions, why I was doing this was the first… I told them that I always received a lot of help when I needed it, and then I shared with them a bit about my struggles with addiction. They were in shock. This opened up a huge conversation about addiction and I ended up spending about 30 minutes with these guys. All 3 of them are amazing men.
Peter. A man who very clearly struggles with mental illness and alcoholism combined. He lives at the Seaton House and has for the past 13 years!! He told me that he worked for Toronto Hydro in the 1970's, he then got injured and has never worked a day since. He shared with me that his fiancé died 2 weeks before their wedding 16 years ago. I asked him if he still missed her and he said he does, I asked him if he ever talked to her up in heaven and he said he prays to her all the time. He told me he was truly happy then, so I asked him if he was happy now … he looked at me straight in the eyes with his big blue eyes and said: I love.
His message was very clear to me, love is the answer.
I am forever grateful.
If you want to experience unadulterated joy, do for others without expecting anything in return.
Until next time …
#MoveBeyondYou
Wednesday, 23 September 2015
Honour your anger
When you're on a path of spiritual growth and enlightenment, you start to have all sorts of new awarenesses. Sometimes these are welcomed awarenesses and sometimes I catch myself thinking that ignorance really is bliss - HAH!
Once I have acknowledged my feelings, I can then look at MY PART in the situation and this opens me up to the lesson :)
Life is one big learning experience :)
Having a heightened awareness of my feelings and being mindful of them is a whole new world for me. I am used to using anything and everything to escape. So sitting with my feelings is quite the treat!
I find I struggle the most with anger...
Growing up, I always believed that I never got angry. I am a highly sensitive soul and I often mistook my anger for sadness. Instead of experiencing what I was really feeling (anger/disappointment) I always thought that I was sad … so I would just feel sorry for myself without ever experiencing my true feelings.
Today I understand that sometimes I get angry and that anger and sadness are definitely linked for me. However, I still find it difficult to accept the anger part (and I want to default to sadness) because I hold the belief that if I am angry, I am being mean. Can anyone relate?
It is especially uncomfortable because it often involves someone else, and I don't like to feel anything but love towards others (again, I don't want to feel mean)
This is not realistic though because people suck. And we do shitty things. And we are selfish and self-seeking, often at the expense of one another.
When someone behaves in a way that is selfish and self-seeking, it hurts and I feel angry. And it also can leave me feeling less than.
I don't want anyone to ever know that they hurt my feelings - however, my feelings get hurt, all. the. time. So there you have it.
I believe the solution to move through your feelings with Grace and dignity is honestly sharing them with someone else. It doesn't necessarily have to be to the person that hurt you or made you angry, it can be anyone you choose, as long as you aren't keeping the feelings to yourself.
It is also important to recognize the times that we, ourselves, have behaved in the same manner as whoever hurt us. This allows us to cultivate compassion for the person and their actions, and to have a better understanding of where they are coming from AND it helps us to understand that nothing anyone else does is ever about us. It is always about them.
Think of a time you behaved in a way that hurt someone or made someone angry … what was going on for you in that moment?
Allowing yourself to have compassion for the person who hurt you is a good thing, because we can then have more compassion for ourselves as we experience the hurt/when we cause the hurt. This doesn't take away the pain, and it definitely doesn't take away the anger, but it helps to understand that we are all one. And we are all capable of behaving in ways that are less than stellar!
I would advise you to go ahead and feel this shit now! Express yourself!! Just don't lash out.
Honouring yourself means behaving in ways that align with your morals and values.
Just because I feel anger, doesn't mean I have the right to spread that anger around… it just means I must acknowledge my feelings for exactly what they are in order to move forward.
Once I have acknowledged my feelings, I can then look at MY PART in the situation and this opens me up to the lesson :)
Life is one big learning experience :)
Thanks for reading this and helping me to move through my anger and disappointment.
You guys rule.
After writing this, my anger has pretty much lifted, the feelings of disappointment are still lingering, however, I am positive by sitting with them and speaking about it, I will let that go too!
It works if you work it!!
Hallelujah!
Love, Kylie
xx
Thursday, 3 September 2015
Wild
Sitting here in the window of my local coffee shop writing this blog, I realized that it is just one day shy of a month since my beloved Rob left this earth and I am still here. I am sipping my double americano, watching four retired gentlemen catch up over their morning coffee and I find myself experiencing an overwhelming sense of joy in this moment.
Years ago, my life right now would have terrified me. I don't have a full time job, I don't have a lot of money, I lost one of my best friends and I never know what I am going to do with myself on any given day. I have no structure and by the standards of our society, and what I used to believe, this is definitely all wrong, yet I find myself trusting the process entirely, with my whole heart. I am completely content.
This moment is absolutely all that we have, and it is all that I want. In each moment, we choose happiness or we don't. We choose whether we recognize the beauty that is all around us, in the every day, simple, even meaningless things or we don't. I believe that everything is woven together in a perfectly laid out plan created by God and with that belief, I allow myself to experience joy.
The last couple of months have been crazy, this last one in particular has been the most difficult of my life, losing someone that I love so deeply is something that I would have never chosen for myself, however, it happened, and I am in awe of my ability to handle it. I am learning with each day that passes, that I can bare the unbearable. WE can bare the unbearable. As human beings we are resilient, we have the ability to overcome the most painful situations with ease IF WE ALLOW ourselves to.
I believe it is in the allowing that we can actually live. It is in the letting go that we can experience life for what it is actually all about; the moment.
In letting go, we actually take our power back. In loosening the grip we have on people, places and things and our innate need to control, we can give ourselves the room we need to breathe and actually experience the joy that is all around us.
This in no way means that we don't have goals, or plans, or dreams … of course we do, the Bible teaches us that "Faith without works is dead" and I absolutely agree. However, in my humble opinion, we need to shift the focus away from the striving, the controlling and the getting, and put more emphasis on our faith. Because it is with that faith that we can gracefully work hand in hand with God to create the lives that we have always dreamed of and it is ONLY with that faith that I am personally able to survive and find meaning in the suffering.
Death taught me, without a shadow of a doubt that I have no control over anything other than the way I choose to act. Death is teaching me how to be a better person, how to not take people, places, things and moments for granted.
Death has taught me to let go, to trust.
Letting go of my career, letting go of my apartment, letting go of my friend…
Death teaches us how to live.
I was watching the movie 'WILD' yesterday and what Cheryl says at the end of her journey across the Pacific Coast Trail really hit me …
"How wild it was, to just let it be"
Amen.
How can you practice letting go today?
Monday, 10 August 2015
My knight in shining armour.
There are really no words to describe the pain of losing someone you love.
There is nothing anyone can do or say to make you feel better, because nothing will bring them back.
All you can do is keep breathing and do your best to cultivate some sort of trust in the process.
I am writing this in the hope that I will draw some courage from the voice of my inner guide, and perhaps instil some hope in those that I love as well.
Today I read something very interesting. I can't quote it as I don't have the book in front of me, however I want to try and articulate what I took from the passage and how I intend to apply this in my life moving forward.
The book is entitled "Angel Card Therapy" or something along those lines by Doreen Virtue. I've never read this book, in fact, I don't even know how it made it's way into my apartment but as I was packing today and going through my books, there it was. I do believe this was a Divine intervention as I was REALLY struggling at that moment trying to understand HOW I was going to get through this pain.
The chapter that I flipped to was on deceased loved ones and how to cope with death. I read that our deceased loved ones are up in heaven and they have the potential to be our spirit guides (yay!) it said that they are of perfect physical and emotional well being when they cross over, HOWEVER, the only thing that can hold them back from reaching their highest potential is - us.
What?!!
Doreen Virtue states that our unrelenting grief and mourning over the loss of our loved one can actually block their spiritual growth and that the greatest gift we can give to someone who has passed away is to do whatever it takes to heal OUR hearts.
I will be honest, I am in a place right now where healing seems so far away. I feel like I will feel this intense sadness forever, but I do experience a bit of relief when I think about giving Rob the gift of healing my heart so he can grow to his highest potential in heaven.
It is my firm belief that we must honour our feelings and not run from them or mask them. Losing someone we love requires time, it also requires patience, compassion, care and support from those around us and for ourselves. It is normal to grieve for weeks and months, the process will look different for everyone and that's okay, however we do have to live for the living and try and find joy in our day, even if it's fleeting. The hole in my heart is real and it's raw but I can CHOOSE to use my grief for the greater good … and that is what I believe Rob would want me to do.
I can use this loss to better my life.
I can learn from Rob's experience.
I can use this pain to become kinder to those around me.
I can fill this hole in my heart by extending more love to the people in my life and thus receiving that love in return.
I will not let Rob's death be in vain.
I refuse to let his death be in vain.
Although nothing can bring him back and my life will never be the same, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have the opportunity to learn and grow from this terrible tragedy.
I can honour Rob every single day with the choices I make.
I can continue to love him by opening my heart when I am so tempted to close it.
On a very personal note, it's ironic that during our relationship here on earth I was often under the impression that I was saving him, when he was actually the one saving me all along.
There is nothing anyone can do or say to make you feel better, because nothing will bring them back.
All you can do is keep breathing and do your best to cultivate some sort of trust in the process.
I am writing this in the hope that I will draw some courage from the voice of my inner guide, and perhaps instil some hope in those that I love as well.
Today I read something very interesting. I can't quote it as I don't have the book in front of me, however I want to try and articulate what I took from the passage and how I intend to apply this in my life moving forward.
The book is entitled "Angel Card Therapy" or something along those lines by Doreen Virtue. I've never read this book, in fact, I don't even know how it made it's way into my apartment but as I was packing today and going through my books, there it was. I do believe this was a Divine intervention as I was REALLY struggling at that moment trying to understand HOW I was going to get through this pain.
The chapter that I flipped to was on deceased loved ones and how to cope with death. I read that our deceased loved ones are up in heaven and they have the potential to be our spirit guides (yay!) it said that they are of perfect physical and emotional well being when they cross over, HOWEVER, the only thing that can hold them back from reaching their highest potential is - us.
What?!!
Doreen Virtue states that our unrelenting grief and mourning over the loss of our loved one can actually block their spiritual growth and that the greatest gift we can give to someone who has passed away is to do whatever it takes to heal OUR hearts.
I will be honest, I am in a place right now where healing seems so far away. I feel like I will feel this intense sadness forever, but I do experience a bit of relief when I think about giving Rob the gift of healing my heart so he can grow to his highest potential in heaven.
It is my firm belief that we must honour our feelings and not run from them or mask them. Losing someone we love requires time, it also requires patience, compassion, care and support from those around us and for ourselves. It is normal to grieve for weeks and months, the process will look different for everyone and that's okay, however we do have to live for the living and try and find joy in our day, even if it's fleeting. The hole in my heart is real and it's raw but I can CHOOSE to use my grief for the greater good … and that is what I believe Rob would want me to do.
I can use this loss to better my life.
I can learn from Rob's experience.
I can use this pain to become kinder to those around me.
I can fill this hole in my heart by extending more love to the people in my life and thus receiving that love in return.
I will not let Rob's death be in vain.
I refuse to let his death be in vain.
Although nothing can bring him back and my life will never be the same, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have the opportunity to learn and grow from this terrible tragedy.
I can honour Rob every single day with the choices I make.
I can continue to love him by opening my heart when I am so tempted to close it.
On a very personal note, it's ironic that during our relationship here on earth I was often under the impression that I was saving him, when he was actually the one saving me all along.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)