- Dr. Seuss
I am so grateful for my true friends, for the ones that allow me to express myself without judgment. It is through the unconditional love and support of a select few that I have been given the courage to write about something that has been bothering me and unfortunately, something that I have allowed to silence me.
One of the things I admired most about Rob was his ability to do whatever he wanted, say whatever he wanted and post whatever he wanted. He did all of this without allowing anyones criticism (including my own) to stop him. It may have hurt his feelings, in fact, I know that it did but it certainly did not stop him. Rob was who he was and whether or not you loved him or hated him, it wasn't going to change him… I loved him.
For someone like me who can identify with being a "people pleaser", which can be defined as: someone who is always nice, helpful and a basic moral support for just about anyone; people pleasers often suppress their own needs in order to please or satisfy the needs of others. (Yikes!)
After reading the above you can perhaps understand that the act of not caring what other people think is a terribly difficult task. Almost unnatural to a people pleaser. I would go as far as to say it's one of the most uncomfortable feelings for me to do something or say something when I know that people have formed negative opinions about me, are judging me or don't think what I am doing is cool.
I have learned to authentically express myself over the last few years, as a direct result of loving myself more, which is amazing. That being said, I am usually met with praise and acceptance and it's easy to express yourself when people are supportive and when they love what you're doing. It's when I am met with a lack of acceptance that I have been known to stop saying how I feel, even if it goes against my truth, because I don't want to upset anyone else and I want everyone to like me.
This is not okay.
When I gather up the information that I have learned thus far in my life, I do believe without a shadow of a doubt that nothing anyone else does is ever about me. In fact, it's the Second Agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz's book, "The Four Agreements" - Don't take anything personally.
"Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world…"
He goes on to say …
"Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds about themselves"
Yes!! It's not about me! It's not about you! Nothing anyone does is ever about you!
With that knowledge, comes power and I am ready to take my power back. I need to respectfully be who I am, without fear.
As stated above, my true friends have given me the strength to write this blog, Rob being one of them. By them authentically expressing their truth, I have the courage to do the same. I honour myself and each and every one of you by expressing what I truly feel and who I am. And who I am, in part, is someone that misses Rob every single day. At the beginning of every month, I am reminded that at this time in August, we were about to lose him. It hurts me to my core. I don't need to dwell in that place of pain, however I don't need to silence that pain either.
Like Dr. Seuss says, those who matter, don't mind.
My hope and prayer for myself and for all of us is that the next time we go to form a judgment about someone or about a certain situation, stop. Take a breath. Perhaps ask yourself why you are tempted to form an opinion about someone else and their life? What is going on inside of you at the very moment you're tempted to judge someone else? And remember, you are no better or no worse than anyone else. We are all human, therefore we are all one. I know I will continue to practice this in my life. I am by no means perfect, but I will continue to do the best that I can with what I have, especially now that I've been reminded how much it hurts to be judged.
Thank you for reading this and allowing me to express myself :)
Here's to being authentically you!
Is there something you've been holding onto? Something you haven't been doing or saying for fear of what other people will think? Reach out to me, I know how you feel.
Love & light,
Kylie
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