Eat, Pray, Love.

I am currently reading 'Eat, Pray, Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert, which I find quite amusing because this book has been recommended to me numerous times over the years by various different people, my running group even lovingly nicknamed me 'eat, pray, love' back in 2013 after I told them all that I don't run with music because I spend the whole time praying and talking to God. My reading this book at this point in my life absolutely affirms my belief that all things happen in God's perfect time. Gilbert's journey of self-discovery completely parallels my life right now (minus some of the details)

I will never forget being introduced to Elizabeth Gilbert's story, it was July of 2010 and I was just getting sober. Life was bleak at best, and I was in need of inspiration. I decided to go to the movies by myself one afternoon to see 'Eat, Pray, Love' on the big screen. A specific line has been embedded in my memory since that day, Julia Roberts, who plays Gilbert in the film is visiting or has visited some of the ruins in ancient Rome, and she makes the observation that "ruin is a gift, in fact ruin is the road to transformation" … WHAT?!! This was exactly what I needed to hear and it was actually the only thing that I heard the whole movie. My life was in shambles at this point in time, my attention span was zero, I had no idea what was up or down and I definitely did not see this pain that I was going through as a gift. As it turns out though, what once seemed like the end of my world, has transformed my life in ways that I never even imagined possible.

Fast forward to exactly 5 years later, it's July 2015 and my life is in a state of disarray AGAIN. I had just decided to leave my secure, well paying job with the federal government, where I had been lucky enough to receive both benefits and a pension for the last 8 years. People often refer to government jobs as "the golden handcuffs" because on paper, you have it made, however in reality, I was miserable. To leave a government job is definitely not viewed as the smartest thing to do by societies standards, so needless to say, this was just a wee bit stressful. I also decided to pack up my apartment and leave suburbia for the first time in my entire life and move to Toronto. Then, to add some extra insanity to all of the terrifying change that was already taking place, one of my closest friends passed away in the midst of it all.

Cue the breakdown.

There is one major difference between the breakdown of 2010 and the breakdown of 2015 and that difference has allowed me and continues to allow me to move through any pain and discomfort with Grace and dignity.

That difference is faith.

In 2010, I had no faith and my suffering was immense as a result. Today, I turn my will and my life over to the care of my Loving God. I don't know who God is, or where He is, or if He is even a He, but it doesn't matter to me … My faith is what keeps me grounded and I can say with confidence that the current state of my life, which could be viewed by many (and sometimes myself) as "ruins" is definitely the road to great transformation.

Elizabeth Gilbert goes on to quote Virginia Woolf in 'Eat, Pray, Love' and what Woolf writes deeply resonates with me...

She wrote "Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls the shadow of a sword" she goes on to explain that on one side of the sword, there lies convention and tradition and order, where "all is correct" but on the other side of the sword, if you're crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, "all is confusion. Nothing follows regular course" Woolf's argument was that the crossing of the shadow of the sword may bring a far more interesting existence to a woman (or man) Woolf wrote this about a woman, however the same came be applied to any man.

Of course by choosing to "cross the shadow of the sword" there will be confusion and lots of risk but that's what makes my heart beat fast. It's wildly exciting not to know exactly what's going to happen next.

Confusion, risk and excitement.

All three exist when we choose to step out of our comfort zone and take the road less travelled and that is the whole point of my writing today, to assure you (and me) that despite being in the midst of some confusion, as long as we keep the faith and remain open, the transformation will take place.

The transformation IS taking place.

Life happens on the other side of your comfort zone.

Faith is trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse.

Here's to having faith in the unknown.

Love & light,

Kylie